Incredible Lovemaking after Learning to Fight Fair

Signed: From angry at the Lord and blaming Him
to increased faith and confidence in God

Edited by Patsy Rae Dawson

A wife tells how learning to fight fair with her verbally abusive husband changed both of their lives and blessed their children. She stopped him from breaking her things by sending him an itemized bill. Then she taught him how to fight fair and enjoy incredible lovemaking.

Dear Patsy,

pexels-broken-heart-500x489When I think of what my marriage and home life were like just one year ago at this time I have to thank the Lord for leading me to your Fighting Fair and marriage books. The pain and tension last year at Thanksgiving was so stressful--and it would only get much worse before it got better.

Let me back up a bit and explain. Almost a year and a half ago I finally faced the fact that we had a serious sexual problem in our marriage. I knew it could be solved if we could only communicate about it, but I was fearful of my husband's angry response. I didn't know where to begin. I found your website and contacted you for some advice on how to proceed.

You recommended the Challenges in Marriage material and told me to pay particular attention to the Fighting Fair class and Marriage: A Taste of Heaven, Vol. 2: God's People Make the Best Lovers. I began the hard work of unlearning a lifetime of how not to communicate and deal with problems. For six months, I studied and tried to practice the "How to Fight Fair" rules.

Then the weekend before Thanksgiving was a doozy around here. I don't remember how it started, but it exploded when I was straightforward with my husband regarding his sin. He became violently angry, but I kept my cool, stood my ground, and did not let my fear show. My children were devastated by what we witnessed in my husband. We gathered in one of their rooms. They were fearful, but we prayed and quietly sang hymns and praise songs.

We could hear my husband bustling about the house, going in and out to the car. He had threatened to leave and was packing things. He destroyed many precious belongings of mine. (He burned one copy of each of your books. I found encouragement in this because he hadn't burned both copies of the books. He amazingly left me with a copy of each. Go figure.) Anyway, to make a long story short, I fought fair, and he was stunned. I wasn't intimidated by his verbal abuse or angry outbursts and threats. Yes, I was crying inside, but the Lord upheld me. How could this mild-mannered man treat me, the woman who loved him so much, with such vile, wicked anger?

I followed the example you gave and e-mailed him an itemized bill for all of my things he ruined. He tried to blame me for his breaking them. I continued to fight fair and insist that he stay on topic instead of changing the subject. I told him I had been working very hard to not reply to him in kind.

When he again tried to change the subject, I told him:

You are missing my point and insist on changing the subject. You broke my stuff, again. I want to be reimbursed for it. If we are going to have a disagreement, then I expect you to fight fair. No name calling, no attributing motives, no destruction of property, stay on the one topic at hand. I will do the same. The argument/disagreement is finished when a viable solution has been reached and not until then. Things need to be resolved, not continually brushed under the rug 'til the next time when they are dragged back out again.

If you are going to continue to break and destroy my things, then I expect to be reimbursed. Period.

He came home quiet. We ended up having a lovely Thanksgiving. God is so good. Please understand me. I was not deluded into thinking that all was well. I just knew that the journey had begun, and God had much to work in me before He could work through me. My husband had the long weekend off from work and at one point early on he hugged me and told me he wanted to stop hurting me. He never really repented for all that had transpired. It has always been very hard for him to apologize. I knew at this point he was embarrassed and ashamed by his behavior. He eventually reimbursed me for everything including your books.

Since that awful night things have progressed slowly but surely around here. The Lord is showing me so much about myself and I realize how I have been distant from Him. I've been angry at the Lord, and I've blamed Him for my predicament. But He is so patient and merciful with us. He has given me glimpses of hope.

By God's grace, I persevered and continued to study your materials. I found myself having to go back to them over and over again. Just reading something one time does not suddenly "fix" things or make them easier. I better understand what the apostle Paul meant when he wrote in Philippians 3, "To write the same things to you is no trouble to me and it is safe for you."

Your materials continually pointed me to scripture and little by little, God's Word began to make the necessary changes in me. At times, progress was painfully slow (and still is), but I continued to plug away at it. The cost was very high and eventually we hit rock bottom. My husband was angry with the changes that were taking place in me. He didn't know what to make of it, and I think maybe he felt threatened. He put the children and me through a very painful, verbally abusive ordeal that lasted for months. I thought it would be the end our marriage. It broke my heart to see our children suffer through such a time, but praise God, He turned things around.

As I began to learn how to communicate and fight fairly, I taught the children what I was learning. And when their dad finally came and repented to me for the verbally abusive ordeal, he was willing to look at the "Fighting Fair" materials, and together we began to communicate properly.

Don't get me wrong. It takes lots of practice, practice, practice and then more practice to put a new and better habit into place! I wish I could say I have it down pat, but I don't. I fail more often than I care to admit. But repentance comes more quickly and easily now, on both our parts, when we do fail.

The affect on our children has been wonderful. They realize their parents aren't perfect, but seeing us learning to communicate properly and to readily repent when wrong has had a tremendous affect on them. It used to be that problems would linger and never really get resolved. The tension would hang over us like a cloud and the children lived in a perpetual state of anxiety over what would happen next. But now they see us learning to fight fair and things getting resolved quickly. This has lessened the fear and apprehension in them, and they eagerly join in a hug when they see their dad and mom embracing.

I'm teaching them to put the same principles into effect in their relationships with each other. My prayer is that this will be a great blessing to them in their future marriages and relationships because of having the benefit of learning God's principles and putting them into practice at an early age.

I know we have a ways to go. We're a work in progress and the growing and learning never really ends. Sometimes I get discouraged because my eyes get on the problem and not the solution. I forget to look at how far we've come. But when I do, I am simply humbled and amazed.

Here it is, Thanksgiving a year later. I was struck by the fact that the verbal abuse in our marriage has vanished. Praise God! It's just gone! What a difference from last year. When I get discouraged at the seemingly slow pace of growth, I need to remind myself of this remarkable fact.

I am thankful for the trials the Lord has sent my way because they have increased my faith in Him and shown me that He has indeed given us "all things pertaining to life and godliness" in His word. I recently read a quote that sums up all I've learned over this past year:

What a blessed discipline of joy and of pain my married life has been; how thankful I am to reap its fruits even while pricked by its thorns!--E. Prentiss

I just want to thank you so much for all the study and hard work you put into your Fighting Fair materials and your Marriage: A Taste of Heaven, Vols. 1 & 2. Thank you for continually pointing your listeners and readers to God's word and principles! He has not left us to flounder on our own. He has given us all the teaching on marriage and communicating we could ever need. It's all there in His word if we only take the time to dig into it and do the hard work of studying it and applying it.

Your materials are wonderful resources for learning where to find the answers in God's word on marriage and proper communication, and how to apply those answers. God has significantly used them in my life, marriage and family. I heartily recommend them! I literally can't recommend them enough. They have been the catalyst for change in my marriage. It is imperative that those who choose to use them realize that hard work is involved. And the best solutions don't come fast and easy, making them that much more precious when they do come!

I find myself continually going back to your materials as references and reminders of what I need to be working on in my life and marriage. I look forward to teaching our children all that I'm learning so that they can start their own marriages on a good and solid foundation!

I pray the Lord continues to bless others, as He has me, with the fruits of your labor. I also pray that He continues to bless and strengthen you as you seek to encourage fellow believers in their marriages and Christian walk.

Thank you for being that encouragement to me!

Signed:
From angry at the Lord and blaming Him
to increased faith and confidence in God

Six months later, the wife e-mailed again:

Dear Patsy, I'm a bit shy about sharing this information (and although there still seems to be a pattern of infrequency in lovemaking) the intimate times we have shared together in the last few months have been some of the most incredible we've ever had together. The mind really does matter as you teach in God's People Make the Best Lovers!"

Thanks you so much,

Signed:
Praising God!

Patsy Rae Dawson is the most outspoken Christian woman on sex and is a marriage, sex, and divorce coach. She works with clients who have tried almost everything to save their sexless marriage without much success. A dead bedroom is only one symptom of 24/7 clustered love sins. Patsy helps clients get to the core issues in their sexless marriage so they can make healthy decisions for themselves and their children.

Permission to Reproduce Incredible Lovemaking after Learning to Fight Fair

Incredible Lovemaking after Learning to Fight Fair by Patsy Rae Dawson. Copyright © 2007, 2008 Patsy Rae Dawson LLC. All rights reserved.

Incredible Lovemaking after Learning to Fight Fair by Patsy Rae Dawson is available at PatsyRaeDawson.com. It may be copied for noncommercial use only, provided you do the following: 1. Retain all copyright, trademark and propriety notices; 2. Make no modifications to the materials; 3. Do not use the materials in a manner that suggests an association with Patsy Rae Dawson LLC; and; 4. Do not download quantities of materials to a database, server, or personal computer for reuse for commercial purposes. You may not use this material in any other way without prior written permission. For additional permissions, contact Patsy Rae Dawson LLC at Patsy @ PatsyRaeDawson.com.
WARNING!

Why you SHOULD NOT read my book God's People Make the Best Lovers:

  • Not a sexually timid book
  • Plainly teaches women how to enjoy two types of orgasms
  • Tells why a different woman every night can't satisfy a man's deepest needs
  • Not a quick, easy read
  • Most comprehensive material available explores over 400 scriptures
  • No proof texting, but real study with word definitions
  • Not a warm, fuzzy, feel-good book
  • Credits God for designing the sexual relationship and knowing how it works best
  • Exposes sexually defrauding one's mate as sin that destroys the marriage
  • Not a quick fix, but an effective help
  • Based on God's formula for solving all marriage problems in I Timothy 4:1-5
  • Gives homework to help readers make lasting changes in the bedroom

Who SHOULD study God's People Make the Best Lovers:

  • Those who want a better love life than the world offers
  • Those willing to learn from the Creator who designed sunsets and undersea wonders
  • Those willing to practice speaking an incredible language of love that transcends spoken words
  • Those who want to say, "Wow! It's true! God's people really do make the best lovers!"

Male reader's feedback:
You get it. I've read lots of books and articles, and lots of authors get part of it. But you get the whole thing.
Order God's People Make the Best Lovers now so you can start learning God's great sexual secrets next week and transform your marriage.