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Which comes first? Soulmating or Lovemaking?

Radical Change in My Teaching

Patsy Rae Dawson

After four decades of kitchen-table mentoring of both husbands and wives on the uplifting sexual teachings of the Song of Solomon to the complex issues of difficult marriages, I've made a radical change in my teaching on marriage and lovemaking.

The proverbial question: Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

Critical marriage question: Which comes first, great lovemaking or loving leadership, or are they so intertwined that you can’t enjoy one without the other?

Since the mid 1980s, my work with spouse abuse is leading me to the conclusion that if the sexual relationship is wrong, all other relationships will likewise miss the mark and deteriorate greatly over the years, hence the extreme bitterness in many older marriages and the rise in divorces.

Sexual neglect on the part of either the husband or the wife is a tremendous issue in unhappy marriages. Likewise, most abuses of leadership would not occur; indeed, could not occur, if both the husband and wife truly understood and enjoyed lovemaking. God designed a lifetime of rapturous sexual love to super glue a pure emotional bond in each other’s arms that is stronger than any outside force's ability to separate them.

Likewise, many problems with children, including teenagers, stem from the parents' lack of love in the bedroom. Many children grow up starved for affection without the ability to truly love another human being in their own marriages—just like Mommy and Daddy.

God isn't timid about discussing sex

Christians may be timid about discussing sexual matters, but God isn't. He devotes more space in the Bible teaching about lovemaking from both a positive and negative standpoint than he does about subjection and leadership. Our obsession with the wife being submissive to her husband has allowed us to overlook the "lording it over" style of male leadership that is destroying marriages by encouraging church-condoned spouse abuse. Indeed, if the husband is not hitting the wife, then we often fail to recognize mistreatment of the wife in regard to finances, child rearing, and unrelenting criticism.

Christians should know better than Oprah

Recently, Oprah interviewed a couple who committed to bringing glorious lovemaking to their marriage. A year later, the couple marveled on national TV, not only in the change in their emotional bond and happiness, but also to the difference in their children. The whole family became more loving with frequent touching in response to the parents learning how to speak a beautiful language of love in the bedroom. So if the kids fuss and fight, look at what is going on in the bedroom for the first clue for the source of the problem.

My teaching has changed radically over the years

If Christians don’t get it and live it about God’s plan for lovemaking to turn husbands and wives into true soulmates, then their marriages fall way below God’s plan for a family’s happiness. It doesn’t matter how submissive the wife is in her heart. It doesn’t matter how loving the husband is in his leadership. Every person in that family is love-starved, especially the children. Someday they will reap the consequences.

Read these first articles to see the radical change in my teaching based on over 40 years of working with both husbands and wives. Then read the second group to see how God designed lovemaking as an important part of soulmating.

Solomon Made Love to 1000 Virgins, but He Never Enjoyed Great Sex

Solomon stayed locked into high-school sex for 40 years
Radical change in my teaching on marriage & lovemaking
Turn on the body's power to receive and express sexual love

What a Dying Fly Teaches Us About Miserable Marriages

After four decades of teaching on good, bad, and ugly marriages from the Bible and being the confident of both men and women, Price Pritchett's observations about a dying fly captured my attention as I recognized the uncanny similarities to miserable marriages.

"The poignant story of the fly's tragic strategy—try harder."

Popular religions, elders, and preachers often tell husbands and wives they can break through the windowpane of marital misery by trying harder with this advice: ... Read~

Are You Married to a Sexual Defrauder or Sexual Dud?

Think climbing the walls from sexual frustration will get easier when your hormones slow down? Don't bet your future happiness on it. You may well be facing the worst time of your life.

When defrauded husbands or wives sigh with relief when their hormones start slowing down, they experience a huge shock: Sex was never about release of the hormones; it was always about building an emotional bond. How brutal to discover that they've given up a lifetime of lovemaking, which should have built the emotional bond, only to realize their emotional love bank is empty. Not only are they married to a sexual defrauder; they are also married to an emotional cripple. Read~

Spouse Abuse vs. Family Abuse

I now tell abused spouses, "Step out of your own misery and look at your children's pain. They have less ability to deal with their parent than you do. Then thank God every day for opening your eyes to the harm sin in your home is doing to your children so you can make intelligent decisions on how to protect them." Read~

God wants Christians to practice soulmating for great lovemaking

Read my articles below to see how important sexual love is to God and to a successful marriage:

Soulmating for a Lifetime of Ravishing Lovemaking: God's 4 Steps

The twenty-first century touts soulmating without fully understanding or promoting the benefits. Yet for thousands of years, God patiently revealed the secret to a glorious lifetime of speaking love in each other's arms—taking care of the mental union to liberate the body for delights beyond description. Truly, God wondrously designed the man to be a lover all his life if he will take the time for soulmating at each stage of his journey. Read~

God's Intellectual Property for the Bedroom

I am convinced God created the embrace of love as a reward for both husbands and wives for treating each other right during the day. He wondrously designed the mind to be the most important organ of desire and pleasure. Once couples understand this and realize their bodies' dulled responses come from bad attitudes and bitterness toward the mate or not taking care of legitimate problems, sexual pleasure becomes a wonderful barometer of the health of the marriage. Read~

Little Acts of Love Make Big Differences

When I answered the phone, the lady said, “The only reason I’m taking your classes is so I can tell myself I’ve done everything I can to save my marriage before I divorce my husband.”

She continued, “My husband is so bitter against me that he resents every mouth full of food I eat because he has to pay for it. I overheard him telling our daughter, ‘Now that you’re getting married, your mom and I might as well get a divorce because we have nothing holding us together.’” Read~

Incredible Lovemaking after Learning to Fight Fair

A wife tells how learning to fight fair with her verbally abusive husband changed both of their lives and blessed their children. She stopped him from breaking her things by sending him an itemized bill. Then she taught him how to fight fair and enjoy incredible lovemaking. Read~

People who don't get it like Solomon
are sexually and emotionally immature and bankrupt like Solomon

  • Sexual addicts, some of the loneliest people on the earth
  • Adulterers who've committed adultery more than once
  • Homosexuals and lesbians married to straight spouses
  • Victorians who think Christians don't enjoy sex
  • Hooking up singles, even if they enjoy benefits
  • Spouse abusers who continually find fault with the mate
  • Christians who tell the wife to just be submissive,
    and all the marriage problems will disappear
  • Christians who accuse sexually loving mates
    of being over sexed or a sexual addict


Why youSHOULD NOTread my bookGod’s People Make the Best Lovers

Not a sexually timid book

Plainly teaches women how to enjoy two types of orgasms
Tells why a different woman every night can’t satisfy a man’s deepest needs

Not a quick, easy read

Most comprehensive material available explores over 400 scriptures
No proof texting, but real study with word definitions

Not a warm, fuzzy, feel-good book

Credits God for designing the sexual relationship and knowing how it works best
Exposes sexually defrauding one's mate as sin that destroys the marriage

Not quick fixes, but effective help

Based on God’s formula for solving all marriage problems in I Timothy 4:1-5
Gives homework to help readers make lasting changes in the bedroom

WhoSHOULDstudyGod's People Make the Best Lovers

Those who want a better love life than the world offers
Those willing to learn from the Creator who designed sunsets and undersea wonders
Those willing to practice speaking an incredible language of love that transcends spoken words
Those who want to say, “Wow! It’s true! God’s people really do make the best lovers!”

Male reader's feedback

You get it. I've read lots of books and articles, and lots of authors get part of it. But you get the whole thing.

Order God’s People Make the Best Lovers now so you can start learning God's great sexual secrets and transform your marriage.