Patsy Rae Dawson
If you are trying to survive in a sexless marriage, chances are you are living with someone "without natural affection."
Sexless marriages are not just a problem with dead bedrooms. A lack-luster sex life is only the most obvious symptom of 24/7 daytime clustered love sins. These sins surround the core issue of being "without natural affection" as found in 2 Timothy 3:1-5.
FREE Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey
6 Checklists of Intensely Personal Simple Questions examine 4 generations to help you analyze the true state of your relationship so you can make loving decisions for your family.
Previous answers to this Sexless Marriages Survey reveal that most people don't realize what all is involved in being without natural affection. Thus, this groundbreaking, one-of-a-kind survey begins with the primary issue of being without natural affection. Then it expands to deal specifically with the four generations that are directly affected by unloving, sexless homes.
Why 4 Generations?
Exodus 34:6-7: "Then the Lord passed by in front of him [Moses] and proclaimed, 'The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.'”
Here's the Checklists and Generations
Checklist 1: Are You or Your Companion Without Natural Affection?
Checklist 2: Are Narcissism & Codependency in Your Homes of Origin?
Second Generation continued:
Checklist 3: Are You or Your Companion a Type 1—Sexually Naïve Sexless Spouse?
Checklist 4: Are You or Your Companion a Type 2—Fire-Flirting Sexless Spouse?
Checklist 5: Are You or Your Companion a Type 3—Wicked & Hate Filled Sexless Spouse?
Third & Fourth Generations:
Checklist 6: Are Your Children & Grandchildren Being Harmed by Your Sexless Relationship?
*As Applies to Sexless Spouses, Mental Adulterers, Sexual Addicts, One-Time or Serial Adulterers, and Gay/Lesbian Deprivers of a Straight Spouse
You'll be surprised at how one unloving person without natural affection damages many lives over four generations or more.
Analyze Your Answers
After you complete the Survey, you'll be directed to where you can download the eReport Analyze Your Answers to the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection 4-Generational Survey.
The Survey covers all three levels of sin in sexless marriages found in Jude 22-23: Type 1: The "Doubting" Spouse, Type 2: The "Fire-Flirting" Spouse, and Type 3: The "Polluted" Spouse. The eReport "Analyze Your Answers" gives you plans for how you might overcome clustered love sins as applies to the three different levels of sexless marriages.
Get a Free eReport Everyone Is an Adult Child
When I participated in one of international expert on gay/straight marriages Bonnie Kaye’s healing weekends for women married to or divorced from gays, I had the women fill out a questionnaire similar to the Survey's Part 2: Narcissistic Homes of Origin. Ninety-five per cent of them grew up in a narcissistic home and suffered from a poor self-image as a result.
Early results of the Survey show that most men and women who marry an unloving, sexless heterosexual; likewise, grew up in a narcissistic home. They don't know what real love looks, sounds, smells, tastes, feels, and acts like. Consequently, they didn't recognize red flags when they dated their future mate.
Often both spouses grew up in a narcissistic home. This free eReport Everyone Is an Adult Child will help you start dealing with one of the fundamental issues in most sexless marriages.
Time to Complete
The Survey consists of 6 separate parts. Each will take 30-60 minutes depending on how much times you spend on the written questions. The snippets in the "What to Expect Section" below tell what each part covers and shows how the questionnaire is organized. The snippets also give you an idea of how much you will benefit from analyzing your sexless marriage according to the scriptures. More than likely, you'll learn that the problem is not about you....
Here are the last two questions on Part 6 and some of the answers:
The last question was: "What would you say to participants who are discouraged by the length of this survey?" Here's a few answers in their own words:
All answers are completely anonymous as your name and email are not collected.
No identifying information is collected unless you've asked me for help and I've asked you to fill out this Survey so we can get to your core problems quicker. Even then, you will enter a code word or phrase of your choice that I will not know who it belongs to until you tell me.
This Survey is not about collecting case studies. It uses Google Forms to project data summaries for identifying trends, averaging results, and projecting outcomes when sins in the home are not dealt with.
Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind Survey.
What to Expect in the Survey:
Part 1: The Core Problem--Without Natural Affection
All other problems in sexless marriages revolve around being without natural affection. The most common remark participants make is, "Without natural affection includes more than I thought it did."
Read enough to know this will open your eyes and help you make healthy decisions for yourself and your children?
Or keep reading to learn more about the Free Sexless Marriages Survey.
No Apologies--Christians Lack Street Smarts About Sexless Marriages
Jesus said Christians don’t have many street smarts for dealing with people of this world:
Luke 16:8: “For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light.” (NIV)
That’s certainly been true in my case. I spent 46 years in a loveless, sexless marriage because I treated it like a Type 1 sexless marriage—ignorance of God’s wonderful sexual teaching. I didn’t know about Types 2 and 3 daytime clustered love sins that surround dead bedrooms.
Read my articles on the three types of sexless marriages:
Oh How Naive We All Were Then About the Ways of Sin
Dr. Douglas Weiss didn’t write his groundbreaking book Intimacy Anorexia spotlighting the addiction of withholding emotional and sexual love while deliberately inflicting pain until 2010. I learned of his work while spending two years researching anew and rewriting The Song of Solomon Love Triangle: God’s Soulmating and Lovemaking Guide for a Lifetime of Passionate Sex.
If You’re a Preacher, Elder, or Teacher
No doubt, you’ve had many husbands and wives ask for your help with a sexless marriage over the years. It’s the #1 googled marriage problem. How did you do with their pleas for help?
My experience is that 95% of our spiritual leaders are like I was—treating it as Type 1 sin—sexual ignorance. Most of us have been clueless about the Types 2 and 3 sexual deprivers. If you don’t understand these sins, your ability to help these couples is limited—maybe even harmful.
If You’re Suffering in a Sexless Marriage
I can and frequently help Type 1: The “Doubting” Spouse sexless marriages. But there’s nothing I can do to persuade your Type 2: The “Fire-Flirting” Spouse or Type 3: The “Polluted” Spouse to love you and to keep his or her marriage vow to be an exciting lifelong sexual partner. Fortunately, there’s plenty YOU can do beginning right now for yourself…and for your children.
Don’t Make the Same Mistake I Did
I certainly would have appreciated someone giving me the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection 4-Generational Survey when I was a new bride 52 years ago eager for all that marriage promises. Could my marriage have been saved if I’d known this material? I don’t know. Paul says:
1 Corinthians 7:16: “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”
I do know that if I’d had this information, I would have been fighting the right spiritual battles with my husband. A lack of sexual frequency is not the problem. It’s only the most obvious symptom of character sins…and secrecy. For the most part, as Christians we’re like Jesus said: We don’t have much in the way of street smarts about secret sexual sins, especially if we were raised in a sheltered environment.
We Should Make Judgments Based on Conduct Instead of Words
The Survey is all about conduct. You’re dealing with a sinner who has learned how to manipulate and blame you. Weiss says don’t believe anything they say—believe what they do. Jesus says:
Matthew 7:16: “By their fruit [actions] you will recognize them.”
It’s easy to think, “That’s just the way he is” or “That’s just the way she was raised.” Or the most deadly way we deceive ourselves, “My spouse is perfect except for sex.” Because we believe that lie, we don’t recognize the red flags of secret sin. And we falsely assume that because our spouse is not interested in sex with us that he or she is adultery proof.
Sin never stagnates. It always grows. It gets so bad in the retirement years that it devastates everyone it touches.
Or keep reading to learn more about this free Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection 4-Generational Survey.
My Greatest Regret
Because of my naivety about sexual sin I failed to protect my children. Children are easily damaged when one parent doesn’t know how to love their mate intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. As adults, we can choose to compromise and stay.
But our children are powerless and stuck with immature abilities to deal with their parents’ shortcomings. They bear the scars for a lifetime. They frequently imitate their parents’ narcissistic or codependent behavior. But we don’t know that we’ve compromised with sinful character faults.
Forgiving myself for not recognizing the need or knowing how to protect my children has been the hardest ordeal I've had to face in my whole life. Consequently, I'm driven to warn parents about the harm done to their children by a mother or father who doesn’t know how to love the other parent…or them.
No Apologies--But I’m Making It Easier
The Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection 4-Generational Survey is comprehensive. I make no apologies for that. The general characteristics of the 19 clustered love sins as revealed in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 are universal among sexless spouses. But the application of the general sins is as unique as our spouse’s life experiences and home of origin. For that reason, the Survey gives assorted examples of the sins to trigger your thinking and spawn some ah-ha moments.
- Thus, I’ve broken up the Survey into 6 Parts to make it easier to take.
- Each part takes about 30-60 minutes depending on how much time you spend with the few written questions.
- Snippets of the 5 remaining parts are below to show you how the Survey works. You'll get an idea of the benefits to you and what you can expect to learn.
Or keep reading to learn more about this Free groundbreaking Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Survey.
Part 2: First Generation—Signs of Narcissism in Families of Origin
Part 3: Second Generation—Signs of Sexual Naivety
As applies to Type 1: The “Doubting” Spouse, Type 2: The “Fire-Flirting” Spouse, and Type 3: The “Polluted” Spouse. All three types of sexual sinners exhibit a certain level of sexual naivety and ignorance.
Part 4: Second Generation: The Fire-Flirting Spouse
Or keep reading to learn more about this free Sexless Marriages Survey.
Part 5: Second Generation: The Bitter and Hate-Filled Spouse
As applies to Type 3: The “Polluted” Spouse. At this stage, the marriage gets steadily worse.
Or keep reading to learn more about this free Sexless Marriages Survey.
Part 6: Third & Fourth Generations: Children and Grandchildren
These are just snippets of the actual questionnaire to give you an idea of what you'll learn about your marriage by participating in the Survey.
When you submit each part, you’ll be given the link to the next one. You can copy the link so you can take the next part at your convenience.
Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking Survey.
What People Say About the Survey
|I stayed up till 12:15am this morning to finish your survey. It was long because my answers were long. I enjoyed the lesson and how it was presented. I had to read a couple parts a couple times to understand who I was remarking on. Once I looked at the choices though, it was pretty self explanatory.
I hate that no one took the time or cared enough about my husband and I at 19 years old to teach us God's plan for marriage before we married. What neglect from Christians to let us walk into marriage so lightly! I'm angry about that!
Great way to present!
I'm worried what my children will live like seeing me live like this.
I learned that I know about sex intellectually, but have trouble accepting some truths.
I learned that a biblical marriage is supposed to include sex.
"Without natural affection" includes more than I thought it did.
So sad that my children have been affected by generations of abuse both from my family of non-Christians, as well as his family of Christians, and then the abuse from their father in being an adulterous man while claiming to be a Christian teacher, preacher, godly, and all that time he was a worldly man when away from home.
I wish I would've known how to protect my children more, but they don't blame me. They appreciate the good that I taught them.
There are a lot of deep issues out there! I am blessed!
I learned that my sex education was terribly lacking, and I only had knowledge of the physical side.
Analyze Your Answers to the Survey
At the end of the Survey, you'll be able to download a free 14-page eReport to help you determine which of the three sin types your sexless marriages falls into. An overview will help you determine if you have a Type 1: The "Doubting" Spouse, Type 2: The "Fire-Flirting" Spouse, or Type 3: The "Polluted" Spouse?
Then you'll be given plans for overcoming clustered love sins as they apply to the three different types of sexless marriages and without natural affection spouses. You'll also be given additional resources for working with your particular sexless-marriage situation.
Free eReport When You Participate in the Survey
At the end of the Survey, you’ll be able to download a free 36-page eReport Everyone Is an Adult Child, God Doesn’t Tell Children to Love Their Parents—God Tells Children to Leave Their Parents.
In the "Thank You" eReport you'll find:
- Three responsibilities God gives parents in raising their children
- Three attitudes God expects children to have toward their parents
- Three blessings God bestows on children who grow up in unloving homes
- Three ways God teaches for reclaiming your life and moving on
Over the years I've shared this report many times to help Christians unload childish problem-solving techniques they've saved from their childhood. Other times they wanted to know what their attitude should be toward an overbearing parent or in-law. Sometimes they asked if they were sinning because they felt relief instead of grief when an abusive parent or in-law died.
From the responses I've gotten, I believe this eReport Everyone Is an Adult Child will be a valuable thank-you gift in exchange for participating in the Survey. You cannot buy this eReport or find it on my website. It's reserved as a gift for those who participate in the Survey.
Thank you in advance for your participation in the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection 4-Generational Survey. Your anonymous answers will expand and improve my teaching on sexless marriages, which I will share with you. Together we can grow and become more effective in our personal lives and in our efforts to teach others.
We live in the real world where everyone has to make his or her own choice if they are going to be loving or without natural affection (2 Timothy 3:1-5). We can only make that choice for ourselves and attempt to hold others accountable for their own choices.
May God forgive us all for our naivety and gullibility in the past. And may he bring us into his marvelous light and love that we might be bright beacons for those in the world who desperately search the Internet for answers to the #1 marriage problem--sexless marriages and dead bedrooms. To God be the glory forever and ever as we celebrate his love for us and our children.
Always in his service,
Patsy Rae Dawson
P.S. Please share this Survey information with your family, friends, and spiritual leaders so they can benefit from the eye-opening experience of participating in this Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection 4-Generational Survey. The questionnaire covers Narcissism in Your Family of Origin, Naivety and Clustered Love Sins in Your Marriage, Enabling and Narcissism in Your Children. and Potential Harm to Your Grandchildren from Sexless Marriages.
Patsy Rae Dawson is the most outspoken Christian woman on sex and is a marriage, sex, and divorce coach. She works with clients who have tried almost everything to save their sexless marriage without much success. A dead bedroom is only one symptom of 24/7 clustered love sins. Patsy helps clients get to the core issues in their sexless marriage so they can make healthy decisions for themselves and their children.