Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey

by Patsy Rae Dawson ~

If you are trying to survive in a sexless marriage, chances are you are living with someone "without natural affection."

Sexless marriages are not just a problem with dead bedrooms. A lack-luster sex life is only the most obvious symptom of 24/7 daytime clustered love sins. These sins surround the core issue of being "without natural affection" as found in 2 Timothy 3:1-5.

FREE Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey

This groundbreaking survey utilizes 6 self-assessment checklists of intensely personal simple questions. They help you analyze the true state of your relationship so you can make healthy, loving decisions.

You'll receive three different eReports over the course of completing the survey to help you begin the journey of healing your crushed masculine or feminine spirit. You'll better understand why you got into such a relationship in the first place. And you'll receive a plan for where to begin to correct the situation.

This self-assessment tool guides you through the following 6 reflective checklists:

  • Checklist #1: Are You or Your Companion Without Natural Affection?
  • Checklist #2: Are Narcissism & Codependence in Your Homes of Origin?
  • Checklist #3: Are You or Your Companion a Type 1 Sexually Naive Sexless Spouse?
  • Checklist #4: Are You or Your Companion a Type 2 Fire-Flirting Sexless Spouse
  • Checklist #5: Are You or Your Companion a Type 3 Morally Polluted, Hate-Filled Sexless Spouse? (The older the marriage is, the more likely the sexless spouse has grown to hate the loving mate.)
  • Checklist #6: Is Your Sexless Marriage Harming Your Children & Grandchildren?

These 6 checklists are based on three major scriptures:

  1. The three levels of sexual sin in sexless marriages are found in Jude 22-23. They include Type 1: The "Doubting" Spouse, Type 2: The "Fire-Flirting" Spouse, and Type 3: The "Polluted" Hate-Filled Spouse. You can read about them here.
  2. Those three levels of sin are detailed in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 where the clustered love sins correspond to the growing seriousness of sexual sin in the home. The survey follows this escalating list of sins surrounding being without natural affection. You can learn more here.
  3. The survey covers four generations because Exodus 34:6-7 says God "visits the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations." It looks at your four generations: (1) families of origin, (2) marriage, (3) children, and (4) grandchildren. Face the damage to the third and fourth generations here.

You'll be surprised at how one unloving person without natural affection damages many lives over four generations or more. It goes on until one person stands up and says, "It stops here." Take the survey now to open your eyes to the sin in your home so you can deal with the core issues intelligently and lovingly.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind survey and the 3 free reports  you'll receive for participating.


3 Free Reports to help you start your healing journey

After you complete Checklist 3, you'll receive the password to pick up this free Report:

Everyone Is an Adult Child:
God Doesn’t Tell Children to Love Their Parents—God Tells Children to Leave Their Parents

In this report you'll find:

  1. Three responsibilities God gives parents in raising their children
  2. Three attitudes God expects children to have toward their parents
  3. Three blessings God bestows on children who grow up in unloving homes
  4. Three ways God teaches for reclaiming your life and moving on

Over the years I've shared this report many times to help Christians unload childish problem-solving techniques they've saved from their childhood. Other times they wanted to know what their attitude should be toward an overbearing parent or in-law. Sometimes they asked if they were sinning because they felt relief instead of grief when an abusive parent or in-law died.

Additionally, I participated in a healing weekend for women married to or divorced from gays with Bonnie Kaye, an international expert on gay/straight marriages. I asked the women to fill out a questionnaire similar to the survey's Checklist #2 on narcissistic and codependent homes of origin. Ninety-five per cent of the women grew up in a narcissistic home and suffered from a poor self-image as a result.

Survey results show that most men and women who marry an unloving, sexless heterosexual; likewise, grew up in a narcissistic home. They don't know what real love looks, sounds, smells, tastes, feels, and acts like. Consequently, they didn't recognize the red flags when they dated their future spouse.

Often both spouses grew up in a narcissistic home. This free eReport Everyone Is an Adult Child will help you start dealing with one of the fundamental issues in most sexless marriages. You cannot buy this eReport or find it on my website. It's reserved as a gift for you when you participate in the survey to help you start on your healing journey.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind survey.


After you complete Checklist 5, you'll receive the password to pick up this free report:

Which Describes You?
Codependent Enabler
Narcissistic Abuser
Passionate Lover

Codependent enabling and narcissistic abuse are opposite extremes of a low self-image and the inability to love one’s self or others. They are spectrum disorders of varying degrees like high blood pressure:

  • They range from mild, to moderate, to severe, to life threatening.
  • Untreated, they will get worse.
  • The extreme end of narcissism is becoming a sociopath or psychopath. This can happen at a very young age.

Codependents and narcissists share many characteristics, but they usually manifest them differently. They possess other traits which are exact opposites. The following chart makes the similarities and differences easy to recognize.

On a piece of paper score and tally the below columns for yourself, spouse or steady date, mother, father, siblings, and children as appropriate. Expect to get a different score for your relationship with each of these people. Score your behavior for these relationships as it is now.

End of sample. Get the complete 2-page chart when you finish Checklist 5. I spent years compiling this chart and believe you'll find it very helpful and insightful into your own relationships.

In fact, respondents who've accessed this chart state that it has shaken them up in regard to their own codependent behavior. Overcoming codependency with a companion without natural affection is a major first step in correcting the situation.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind survey.


After you complete Checklist 6, you'll receive the password to pick up this free report:

Analyze Your Answers
to the Reflective Survey

Based on your assessment if you're in a Type 1, 2, or 3 sexless relationship, you'll find a plan of action for dealing with your sexless relationship. No matter what type of relationship you're in, you'll start with learning how to fight fair so that your discussions are productive. The report gives you guidelines for how you might overcome clustered love sins as applies to the three different levels of sexless marriages.

Sexual sin always grows. It never stagnates.

The earlier you learn the true nature of what you are dealing with, the better chance you have of enjoying a positive outcome. Of the long term marriages married 25-40 years, about 90% of respondents checked items indicating their companion is a Type 3—Morally Polluted, Hate Filled Sexless Spouse.

The longer respondents were married, the more items they checked for a Type 3 spouse. The level of pain the marriage caused the loving mate accelerated at the same rate as the growth of sin. Where is your pain level right now?

Previous answers to this Sexless Marriages Survey reveal that most people don't realize what all is involved in being without natural affection. Thus, this survey begins with the primary issue of being without natural affection. Then it expands to deal specifically with the four generations that are directly affected by unloving, sexless homes.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind survey.


Time to Complete

The Survey consists of 6 separate parts. Each part will take 30-60 minutes depending on how much times you spend on the written questions. You do not have to complete it all in one session.

The snippets in the "What to Expect Section" below tell what each part covers and shows how the questionnaire is organized. The snippets also give you an idea of how much you will benefit from analyzing your sexless marriage according to the scriptures. More than likely, you'll learn that the problem is not about you even though your sexless spouse blames you for his or her lack of sexual love....


What respondents say

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last question was: "What would you say to participants who are discouraged by the length of this survey?" Here's a few answers in their own words:

 






Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind survey.


Privacy Statement

All answers are completely anonymous as your name and email are not collected.

No identifying information is collected unless you've asked me for help and I've asked you to fill out this Survey so we can get to your core problems quicker. Even then, you will enter a code word or phrase of your choice that I will not know who it belongs to until you tell me.

This Survey is not about collecting case studies. It uses Google Forms to project data summaries for identifying trends, averaging results, and projecting outcomes when sins in the home are not dealt with.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking one-of-a-kind survey.


What to Expect in the Survey:

Part 1: The Core Problem--Without Natural Affection

All other problems in sexless marriages revolve around being without natural affection. The most common remark participants make is, "Without natural affection includes more than I thought it did."

Without Natural Affection

Withholds demonstrations of love

Withholds sex

Part 3 pillowtalk

Read enough to know this will open your eyes and help you make healthy decisions for yourself and your children?

 

 

 

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about the Free Sexless Marriages Survey.


No Apologies--Christians Lack Street Smarts About Sexless Marriages

Jesus said Christians don’t have many street smarts for dealing with people of this world:

Luke 16:8: “For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light.” (NIV)

That’s certainly been true in my case. I spent 46 years in a loveless, sexless marriage because I treated it like a Type 1 sexless marriage—ignorance of God’s wonderful sexual teaching. I didn’t know about Types 2 and 3 daytime clustered love sins that surround dead bedrooms.

Read my articles on the three types of sexless marriages:


Oh How Naive We All Were Then About the Ways of Sin

Dr. Douglas Weiss didn’t write his groundbreaking book Intimacy Anorexia spotlighting the addiction of withholding emotional and sexual love while deliberately inflicting pain until 2010. I learned of his work while spending two years researching anew and rewriting The Song of Solomon Love Triangle: God’s Soulmating and Lovemaking Guide for a Lifetime of Passionate Sex.


If You’re a Preacher, Elder, or Teacher

No doubt, you’ve had many husbands and wives ask for your help with a sexless marriage over the years. It’s the #1 googled marriage problem. How did you do with their pleas for help?

My experience is that 95% of our religious leaders are like I was—treating it as Type 1 sin—sexual ignorance. Most of us have been clueless about the Types 2 and 3 sexual deprivers and their 24/7 clustered love sins against the loving mate. If you don’t understand these sins, your ability to help these couples is limited—maybe even harmful.

If you would like for your entire congregation to take the survey and you receive a summary of the marriage problems your members are dealing with, contact me to learn how (patsy at patsyraedawson.com). A report of what is going on among your members will help you tailor future teaching programs to help the members grow in love and to support your preacher, elders, and teachers become more effective in their counseling.


If You’re Suffering in a Sexless Marriage

I can and frequently help Type 1: The “Doubting” Spouse sexless marriages. But there’s nothing I can do to persuade your Type 2: The “Fire-Flirting” Spouse or Type 3: The “Polluted” Hate-Filled Spouse to love you and to keep his or her marriage vow to be an exciting lifelong sexual partner. Fortunately, there’s plenty YOU can do beginning right now for yourself…and for your children. Begin by opening your eyes to what kind of sins in the home  you're dealing with.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this Free groundbreaking survey.


Don’t Make the Same Mistake I Did

Dawson, Patsy radiant bride 2I certainly would have appreciated someone giving me the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey when I was a new bride 52 years ago eager for all that marriage promises. Could my marriage have been saved if I’d known this material? I don’t know. Paul says:

1 Corinthians 7:16: “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”

I do know that if I’d had this information, I would have been fighting the right spiritual battles with my husband. A lack of sexual frequency is not the problem. It’s only the most obvious symptom of character sins…and secrecy. For the most part, as Christians we’re like Jesus said: We don’t have much in the way of street smarts about secret sexual sins, especially if we were raised in a sheltered environment.


We Should Make Judgments Based on Conduct Instead of Words

The Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Survey is all about conduct. You’re dealing with a sinner who has learned how to manipulate and blame you. Dr. Douglas Weiss says in Intimacy Anorexia don’t believe anything they say—believe what they do. Jesus says:

Matthew 7:16: “By their fruit [actions] you will recognize them.”

Fresh red apple and rotten apple, isolated on white background

It’s easy to think, “That’s just the way he is” or “That’s just the way she was raised.” Or the most deadly way we deceive ourselves, “My spouse is perfect except for sex.” Because we believe that lie, we don’t recognize the red flags of secret sin. And we falsely assume that because our spouse is not interested in sex with us that he or she is adultery proof.

Sin never stagnates. It always grows. It gets so bad in the retirement years that it devastates everyone it touches.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this free Sexless Marriages Survey.


My Greatest Regret

Because of my naivety about sexual sin and how it grows I failed to protect my children. Children are easily damaged when one parent doesn’t know how to love the mate intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. As adults, we can choose to ignore our feelings, compromise, and stay.

But our children are powerless and stuck with immature abilities to deal with their parents’ shortcomings. They bear the scars for a lifetime. They frequently imitate their parents’ narcissistic or codependent behavior. But we don’t know that we’ve compromised with sinful character faults.

Here are ways both you and your children may be masking in order to survive an unloving home environment:

Signs of MaskingForgiving myself for not recognizing the need or knowing how to protect my children has been the hardest ordeal I've had to face in my whole life. Consequently, I'm driven to warn parents about the harm done to their children by a mother or father who doesn’t know how to love the other parent…or them.


No Apologies--But I’m Making It Easier

The Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey is comprehensive. I make no apologies for that. The general characteristics of the 19 clustered love sins as revealed in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 are universal among sexless spouses. But the application of the general sins is as unique as our spouse’s life experiences and home of origin. For that reason, the Survey gives assorted examples of the sins to trigger your thinking and spawn some ah-ha moments.

  • Thus, I’ve broken up the Survey into 6 Checklists to make it easier for you do assess your relationship and the effect on you and your children.
  • Each part takes about 30-60 minutes depending on how much time you spend with the few written questions.
  • Snippets of the 5 remaining parts are below to show you how the survey works. You'll get an idea of the benefits to you and what you can expect to learn.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this Free groundbreaking survey.


Part 2: First Generation—Signs of Narcissism in Families of Origin

Part 1 Parents fight


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 3: Second Generation—Signs of Sexual Naivety

As applies to Type 1: The “Doubting” Spouse, Type 2: The “Fire-Flirting” Spouse, and Type 3: The “Polluted” Spouse. All three types of sexual sinners exhibit a certain level of sexual naivety and ignorance.

Part 1 learn about sex


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 4: Second Generation: The Fire-Flirting Spouse

As applies to Type 2: The “Fire-Flirting” Spouse and Type 3: The “Polluted” Spouse

Lover of Self

Blames you

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this free Sexless Marriages Survey.


Part 5: Second Generation: The Bitter and Hate-Filled Spouse

As applies to Type 3: The “Polluted” Hate-Filled Spouse. At this stage, the marriage gets steadily worse.

Malicious Gossip

Part 4 treacherous

 Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

Or keep reading to learn more about this free Sexless Marriages Survey.


Part 6: Third & Fourth Generations: Children and Grandchildren

Masking of ChildrenPart 5 adulthood

These are just snippets of the actual questionnaire to give you an idea of what you'll learn about your marriage by participating in the Survey.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

When you submit each part, you’ll be given the link to the next one. You can copy the link so you can take the next part at your convenience.

Or keep reading to learn more about this groundbreaking survey.


What People Say About the Sexless Marriages Survey

I stayed up till 12:15am this morning to finish your survey. It was long because my answers were long. I enjoyed the lesson and how it was presented. I had to read a couple parts a couple times to understand who I was remarking on. Once I looked at the choices though, it was pretty self explanatory.

I hate that no one took the time or cared enough about my husband and I at 19 years old to teach us God's plan for marriage before we married. What neglect from Christians to let us walk into marriage so lightly! I'm angry about that!

Great way to present!


I'm worried what my children will live like seeing me live like this.


I learned that I know about sex intellectually, but have trouble accepting some truths.

I learned that a biblical marriage is supposed to include sex.

"Without natural affection" includes more than I thought it did.

So sad that my children have been affected by generations of abuse both from my family of non-Christians, as well as his family of Christians, and then the abuse from their father in being an adulterous man while claiming to be a Christian teacher, preacher, godly, and all that time he was a worldly man when away from home.

I wish I would've known how to protect my children more, but they don't blame me. They appreciate the good that I taught them.

There are a lot of deep issues out there! I am blessed!

I learned that my sex education was terribly lacking, and I only had knowledge of the physical side.

Thank you in advance for your participation in the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey. Your anonymous answers will expand and improve my teaching on sexless marriages, which I will share with you. Together we can grow and become more effective in our personal lives and in our efforts to teach others.

Click NOW to begin the Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey.

We live in the real world where everyone has to make his or her own choice if they are going to be loving or without natural affection (2 Timothy 3:1-5). We can only make that choice for ourselves and attempt to hold others accountable for their own choices.

May God forgive us all for our naivety and gullibility in the past. And may he bring us into his marvelous light and love that we might be bright beacons for those in the world who desperately search the Internet for answers to the #1 marriage problem--sexless marriages and dead bedrooms. To God be the glory forever and ever as we celebrate his love for us and our children.

Always in his service,
Patsy
Patsy Rae Dawson

P.S. Please share this Survey information with your family, friends, and spiritual leaders so they can benefit from the eye-opening experience of participating in this Sexless Marriages & Without Natural Affection Reflective Survey. The questionnaire covers Narcissism in Your Family of Origin, Naivety and Clustered Love Sins in Your Marriage, Enabling and Narcissism in Your Children. and Potential Harm to Your Grandchildren from Sexless Marriages.

Patsy Rae Dawson is the most outspoken Christian woman on sex and is a marriage, sex, and divorce coach. She works with clients who have tried almost everything to save their sexless marriage without much success. A dead bedroom is only one symptom of 24/7 clustered love sins. Patsy helps clients get to the core issues in their sexless marriage so they can make healthy decisions for themselves and their children.