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Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Marriage Inventory–10 Questions to Take Your Marriage to the Next Level

Patsy Rae Dawson

My bags were packed, I was meeting with a divorce lawyer, and I was searching for a place to live … Then I took your Marriage Inventory (10 Questions to Take Your Marriage to a New Level) …

I met Bob at a 3-day professional seminar. He gave me permission to share two of his e-mails if I would protect his identity, which I am. Here’s the whole story from the beginning when I returned home from the conference:

Patsy,

I apologize for not being more personable and prepared at the event. I had several personal, painful problems leading up to it culminating with my decision to end my 7-year marriage when I returned home.

So, I just wasn’t myself, but I’ll be OK. Not sure why I feel so safe sharing this with you, but I do.

Bob

I e-mailed Bob back and asked if he’d take a Marriage Inventory to clarify his thinking. He said yes, and I sent it to him. He responded:

Patsy,

Here’s what happened…last night my wife and I decided to split up. Well I really decided to give up and leave (long story). I just felt I couldn’t continue and had to move out. She cried, we talked a little, and went to our separate corners with her and I both convinced it was finally over.

I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned. Then I went to the computer thinking I’d write her a letter. But first I checked my e-mail and there’s your Marriage Inventory. I figure, OK, let’s try this. I print it out and read the stories and go through it.

Reading the questions, I realize we have no “real” big problems we can’t overcome.

We’ve both been faithful, non violent, non abusive–affection or connection and time together may be lacking. A compelling vision for our future together has maybe been lacking and we sure could use some communication improvement. But we can fix all of these with time and attention.

I realized we don’t have any big deal breakers in our relationship, so I wrote her a letter. First, I reread some of my letters I sent her when we first got together. Then I shared my heart and frustrations and concerns. I woke her at 2a.m. and read the letter to her.

Bottom line: I love her. She loves me. I felt alone and so did she…etc.

There’s a bunch more to the story and together we’ve fought through a lot. I didn’t think she cared anymore. Now I know she does. The best part, she wants it to work…and so do I.

We’ve decided to go on a marriage retreat weekend together to help us refocus, rebuild, and to try to heal our wounds to start fresh.

How’s that for a turnaround and a testimony?

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time out to help me and I feel truly blessed God put us together at this time in my life. My deepest and sincere appreciation. You have been an angel who descended into my life and helped me when I needed it most.

In gratitude and love,

Bob

P.S. It blows me away how this worked out. My bags were packed. I scheduled a meeting with a divorce lawyer. And I was searching for a new place to live. But I guess God had other plans…Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Take the Marriage Inventory (10 Questions to Take Your Marriage to a New Level) I sent Bob to see where your marriage is and how you can change it.

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