by Patsy Rae Dawson
- Weariness, lethargy, tiredness, fatigue
- Stiffness of limbs, muscle wasting
- Weakness in legs
- Migraine or tension headaches
- Irritable, snappy
- Confused, memory disturbance/forgetful, fogginess
- Disturbed sleep
- Mental slowness, mood swings, anxiety/panic attacks, depression
- Shortness of breath, wheeziness
- Joint inflammation, swelling, pain
- Heavy painful periods, irregular periods, infertility, frequent miscarriages
- Postpartum depression
- Polycystic ovarian disease
- Sperm and infertility issues for men
- Premature ejaculation
- Sexual dysfunction, loss of libido
- Shooting pain from groin to perineum
- Loss of sensation in limbs, trunk, face, and genitalia
- Disorder of sex hormones
As you can see from the list of symptoms, a B12 deficiency especially affects the brain and the lower part of the body including the man’s and the woman’s entire reproductive systems. It also affects every cell in our bodies, including the ability to replicate well-formed RNA and DNA cells. DNA damage can lead to many other problems and symptoms.
God created passionate sex to be joyful and full of laughter, to make your eyes sparkle with love, and to put a spring of energy in your step. But if you’re moody and easily angered, if your eyes are sleepy with depression, and if your legs are weak with fatigue, then sex won’t be good, and life won’t be swell.
See my last newsletter, “What does S E X have in common with spiritual gifts?” about God’s charismatic gift of ecstasy for a lifetime. And read my newsletter “Reader asks, ‘What is a cervical kiss?’” to learn what glorious, healthy lovemaking feels like.
Clients With Anger and Distorted Thinking Issues
I started coaching on sexless marriages in 2016. Since then, I’ve observed a few clients who put in a lot of mental work to overcome their sexual inhibitions, got to a certain point, and then got stuck. And they stayed stuck even after working with additional coaches. This seems to happen mostly with individuals who are dealing with (1) angry outbursts and (2) prone to distorted accusations against their mates.
Several of these clients also had children with learning disabilities, which can be caused by B12 deficiency. This is significant because B12 deficiencies run in families—if one person has it, others will probably test positive. Children born of B12 deficient mothers can be susceptible to development and learning problems. Thus, learning disabilities suggest that the mothers might have a B12 deficiency, too.
Other clients with anger and faulty-thinking issues had a history of miscarriages. B12 deficiency affects everything reproductively for both men and women, and frequent miscarriages is a B12 deficiency symptom.
Clients With Family History of Suicide
One symptom of B12 deficiency is “suicidal ideation.” I have been surprised by the number of clients who have a family history of both attempted and successful suicides. Some of these clients were also in the above example of severe problems with anger and distorted thinking.
Two clients had mothers who regularly threatened suicide and both mothers attempted suicide. One client’s father committed suicide. Two clients had brothers who committed suicide.
Dr. Joseph Chandy in Vitamin B12 Deficiency in Clinical Practice describes psychological symptoms as “depression, extreme fatigue, confusion, loss of memory, anger, suicidal thoughts, phobia, weepy, apathy, irritableness, psychosis, paranoia, delusions, violent behaviour, and dementia.”
When I researched my article “Patient Wants Body Parts ‘Put Back On,’” suicidal thoughts and attempts were one reason the psychologists recommended gender transition. However, many individuals on YouTube who regretted getting the treatment talked about ending up in the hospital from suicide attempts even more frequently after the surgery. Some anesthesia can deplete the body of B12 to the degree that diet alone cannot replace it.
Clients With a Family History of Alcoholism
The three books I consulted on B12 deficiency frequently mention alcoholism and how it depletes the body of B12. My Sexless Marriages Survey shows that:
- 70% of sexual withholders lived with an alcoholic parent.
- 50% of the deprived loving mates grew up in an alcoholic home.
Since B12 deficiencies run in families, I wonder if this is a “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” type problem. In other words, “Which came first, B12 deficiency or alcoholism?” If alcoholism comes first, as it depletes the alcoholic’s body of B12, “Does it also damage the RNA and DNA that the alcoholic passes on to his or her children and grandchildren?”
To help answer this question, I consulted a coaching nurse friend who has traced her family’s alcoholism back several generations and studies generational alcoholism. She said there are three basic reasons alcoholics drink:
- Trauma/shame based
- Chemical based
- Social based, but trauma/shame or chemical disturbances are also present
I asked, “Is it reasonable for me to recommend that people who have a history of alcoholism in their family get tested for B12 deficiency to make sure it’s not contributing to their sexless marriage along with their faulty learned survival techniques?”
She said, “Yes,” and cautioned that a B12 deficiency would not take away the person’s need to work on the mental issues.
Clients Grew Up in Dysfunctional Homes
None of these clients grew up in a loving home. The Sexless Marriages Survey shows that:
- 77% of sexless Christians grew up in a narcissistic home and don’t know what true love acts like.
- 50% of sexless Christians grew up with one or both parents screaming at them and didn’t experience parental love.
Even if a B12 deficiency contributes to the withholders’ anxiety that triggers verbal abuse of their mates and children, it does not take away their responsibility for their conduct. It just means they must work harder to overcome their defective ways of dealing with stress that they learned in their families of origin. See my newsletter “Dry Drunk, Stinking Thinking, Distorted Anger and Sexless Marriages.
B12 Deficiency Doesn’t Take Away Personal Responsibility
The Sexless Marriages Survey shows that:
- 79% of sexless Christians fight dirty to avoid accountability and to shift blame to the loving spouse.
- 28% of sexless Christians are “weasel-word liars” who tell a little bit of truth to give a false impression.
“Do not make friends with a person given to anger,
Or go with a hot-tempered person,
Or you will learn his ways
And find a snare for yourself.”
This is like the medical insert in Viagra® that states the drug cannot overcome poor attitudes toward one’s partner. In other words, the little blue pill is not a cure-all. Likewise, the little pink B12 tablet is not a magic cure-all for a sexless marriage. However, B12 deficiency can be a part of the puzzle that makes success hard to achieve.
Dr. Douglas Weiss makes a similar statement about intimacy anorexics, where the withholders eventually reach a point where they enjoy causing emotional and physical pain for their loving mates. He requires all potential clients be tested for disorders such as narcissism, bipolar, autism, and Aspergers.
He states these individuals can learn to be loving, but they must work harder than others and use additional tools to overcome their inhibitions. He calls withholding a sin against God and says he cannot help people with sexual anorexia who refuse to become accountable for their thinking and actions, even when they have legitimate mental health issues.
B12 Deficiency Can Affect Both Sexless and Loving Marriages
As I’ve learned more about the symptoms of vitamin B12, I’ve begun to wonder if these clients might be suffering from B12 deficiency in addition to carrying harmful childhood survival techniques into their marriages. The symptoms also suggest that B12 deficiency might have additional harmful effects on both sexless and loving marriages.
A Different Kind of Withholder Created by B12 Deficiency
My Sexless Marriages Survey asks if the withholder “cut off sex after the children were born.” Just over 21% said, “Yes.” This is different than the 17% who said the sexual withholding began on the honeymoon. This second group brought inhibitions into the marriage that originated in their childhoods.
Perhaps the #1 symptom of B12 deficiency, “weariness, lethargy, tiredness, and fatigue,” contributes to sex being cut off after the children were born. My book 52 Reasons God’s People Love Passionate Sex shows how scripture distinguishes between the honeymoon, family, and senior years. Each season of marriage has its unique sexual challenges.
The family years usher in a mental and physical tiredness that wasn’t present during the passionate honeymoon years. “Reason 30” addresses this with “Schedule Passionate Sex to Become Wonderful Parents.” It says:
“You may need to plan for sex during this busy and exhausting time. Scheduled sex is better than no sex. If you allow yourself to anticipate lovemaking during the day, it can be wonderful.”
I have to wonder if some of these mothers and fathers are missing out on the hormones of love that bind them to each other and their children due to low levels of B12. This may be one group of withholders who can rebound quickly from their misery with B12 therapy.
The Song of Solomon Is Full of B12-Rich Aphrodisiacs
The Song of Solomon shows that the Israelites recognized the role food plays in a healthy sex life. In the context of looking forward to lovemaking with the Shepherd in marriage, the Shulammite maiden referenced ancient aphrodisiacs that are loaded with vitamin B12:
“He has brought me to his banquet hall,
And his banner over me is love.
5 Refresh me with raisin cakes,
Sustain me with apples,
Because I am lovesick.
6 Let his left hand be under my head
And his right hand embrace me..”
“The fig tree has ripened its figs,
And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along!”
“Oh that you were like a brother to me
Who nursed at my mother’s breasts.
If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you;
No one would despise me, either.
2 I would lead you and bring you
Into the house of my mother, who used to instruct me;
I would give you spiced wine to drink from the juice of my pomegranates.
3 Let his left hand be under my head,
And his right hand embrace me.”
The spiced wine that the Israelites made probably resembled the kombucha we buy at the health food store that is loaded with B12. Some people make their own and claim it transforms their health. Pomegranates are another fruit God created with antioxidants and B12, so turning it into spiced wine would have enhanced its health-building properties.- A family history of the disease
- Having part or all your stomach or intestine removed
- Autoimmune diseases, including type 1 diabetes
- Crohn's disease
- HIV
- Smoking
- Anesthesia used in dental and other surgery
- Many common prescriptions
- Vegetarian diets
- Drinking alcohol
- Being an older adult
Checklist of B12 deficiency Symptoms
Even if you think B12 deficiency doesn’t apply to you, I encourage you to read the list of general symptoms below. You may be shocked at how many different symptoms can be due to B12 deficiency as it affects every cell in your body.
The following list of general signs and symptoms of B12 deficiency comes from Vitamin B12 Deficiency in Clinical Practice by Dr. Joseph Chandy who practices in the UK and is a pioneer in B12 study:
“One Minute Health Check:
B12 Deficiency Signs and Symptoms
“A quick score will reveal if B12 deficiency, underactive thyroid, or iron deficiency anaemia are possible diagnoses, and if the physician should order further tests. Grade your symptoms 1-10. 1 indicates that this symptom is mild and infrequent. 10 indicates the patient has it all the time, and it is severe and debilitating. A score of 5 indicates that the patient has the symptom, and it affects their daily life to a moderate extent.
(Dr. Joseph Chandy, https://b12d.org/book/, pp. 271)
B12 Deficiency Affects 65% of US Adults
Sally M. Pacholok says in Could It Be B12?: An Epidemic of Misdiagnoses, ”Tufts University researchers, analyzing data from the large-scale Framingham Offspring Study, found that nearly 40 percent of participants between the ages of twenty-six and eighty-three had plasma B12 levels in the “low normal” range—a level at which many people begin experiencing neurological symptoms. Nearly 9 percent had outright deficiency, and 16 percent exhibited near-deficiency. Remarkably, low serum B12 was as common in younger participants as in the elderly. (p. 3).
Tufts University numbers add up to 65% of the study participants experiencing B12 deficiency. They range from near (16%) to low normal with symptoms (40%) to outright deficiency (9%). Of that group, 49% had recognizable symptoms.
The books I read say it takes two to three months to see real progress after beginning B12 shots, patches, or supplements. It may take three additional months to get full relief from the symptoms. Sadly, if you wait too long to begin treatment, you can experience permanent nerve damage as B12 deficiency destroys the sheath around your nerves. Your nerves are unable to repair this damage. The sooner you educate yourself about B12 deficiency and get the proper tests to determine if it is present, the better.
Problem: Many Doctors Don’t Recognize B12 Deficiencies
The documentary, movie, and books I list below reveal that many doctors not only don’t know about harmful B12 deficiencies, but many are also hostile toward examining for it. Blood work is not always a reliable indication of a deficiency. You may need additional tests for an accurate diagnosis. Symptoms are more reliable than the tests. This requires that you learn about B12 so you can advocate for yourself and your family.
When I was diagnosed with B12 deficiency over 10 years ago, my doctor refused to do additional tests. I asked my pharmacist for a list of doctors who ordered B12 shots for their patients and selected one from their websites. But I still had to request that he do the urine test after the blood work came back negative for B12 deficiency. He said if I could find a lab that did the test, he would order it. When it came back positive, he said, “I learned a long time ago to listen to my patients.”
If You Discover B12 Deficiency Is Hampering Your Love Life…
…would you please email me and let me know. I would like to share your experience anonymously in a future newsletter to warn and help others (patsy at patsyraedawson dot com). This is such an important topic for both sexless and loving marriages that I am adding it to my Sexless Marriages Survey, Checklist 2: Are Narcissism & Codependency in Your Homes of Origin?
Please pay attention to your children for possible B12 deficiencies that could hinder their physical and mental development. Most learning disabilities are affected by B12, and failure to treat children can lead to permanent problems. Items 1, 2, and 6 below give resources for protecting children.
More Information About B12 Deficiency
- Warning: B vitamins in general and B12 along with folate can lower blood pressure. You may need to monitor your blood pressure if you supplement with B12.
- Diagnosing and Treating Vitamin B12 Deficiency documentary on both adults and children with the deficiency at
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqjyAeOLyKM - Sally Pacholok—Based on a True Story—This Nurse Could Save Your Life movie. It’s the story of an emergency-room nurse-paramedic’s efforts to get treatment for obvious B12 afflictions at the hospital ER where she worked. www.b12awareness.org/sally-pacholok-the-movie/
- Free online book and information: www.b12d.org/book/
Vitamin B12 Deficiency in Clinical Practice by Dr. Joseph Chandy is loaded with detailed information. You can download the book or read it online. If you read online, you can use “find” to search on specific topics or symptoms. (“Find” only works for me when I have the book opened on the website. It doesn't work on the pdf copy stored on my computer.) - The B12 Deficiency Survival Handbook by Dr. Aqsa Ghazanfar & Regev Elya is available on Amazon. It will give you a quick, overall understanding of B12 deficiency without the case histories and is only 104 pages.
- Could It Be B12? An Epidemic of Misdiagnoses 2nd Edition by Sally M. Pacholok, R.N., B.S.N. and Jeffrey J. Stuart, D.O. Pacholok is the emergency-room nurse who was the whistleblower on misdiagnoses of B12 in a large hospital. This is the only book in this group that discusses kidney dialysis. If you get the Kindle eBook, you can search on “dialysis” and other symptoms to get information quickly. However, the paperback has an extensive index that includes some of the references to dialysis.
- Could It Be B12? Pediatric Edition: What Every Parent Needs to Know about Vitamin B12 Deficiency. Millions of children and adolescents are at risk of developing serious neurological disorders caused by B12 deficiency, yet B12 deficiency often goes misdiagnosed as autism, depression, and mental illness. B12 deficiency is treatable?but if you don’t catch B12 deficiency in time, it can cause permanent nerve damage and disability.
- You want to use methylcobalamin as it is the form our body processes. Avoid synthetic cyanocobalamin if possible as our bodies must convert it to the methyl form. As a result, we usually absorb only about 20%. However, most B12 shots are the cyano form, and some people get good results from them as it bypasses the stomach and problems with absorption. The books above discuss the differences between the two forms and supplements versus shots versus patches.
- The B12 patches I use:
“High Potency B12 Energy Patch—30 Patches”
www.amazon.com/dp/B0867JLDYJ? - The supplement I use:
“Natural Factors, Vitamin B12 Methylcobalamin 5000 mcg,” Chewable Support for Energy and Immune Health, Vegetarian 60 tablets. It is available at most health food stores and on Amazon. www.amazon.com/dp/B001ECXHZI? - I avoid patches and supplements that have folate in them. B12 needs folate to work, and folate can mess with the results of B12 blood work. If you search on side effects of folate supplements, you’ll learn that you can get too much folate from supplements. But you cannot get too much from food. I have a high folate diet and don’t need supplementation. Google foods that are high in folate to see if you include them in your diet. If your doctor does a B12 panel, it includes your folate level. Mine if very high just from diet.
- I try to eat high B12 foods as much as possible. You can google a list. However, as we age, we do not digest protein well (B12 is stored in the muscles of animals), so I now take a digestive supplement with each meal. I also sprinkle non-fortified nutritional yeast on vegetables and salads. It does not contain folate or B12, but a group of naturally occurring B vitamins that helps balance my supplement and patches.
DIY Sexless Marriages Coaching for Christians Series
Overcoming Inhibited Sexless Marriages
The #1 cause of "inhibited" sexless marriages is growing up with parents who didn't know how to love each other or their children. This series of books addresses the issue from three different perspectives to help you solve different parts of overcoming a defective family of origin.
The Power of Sexual Surrender for Christians, Second Edition—Awaken Orgasmic Attitudes to Overcome Inhibited Sexual Desire and Pleasure: Learn the formula for changing your mindset to release your body for sexual ecstasy by overcoming childhood trauma, survival techniques, and inhibitions.
Awaken Love for Orgasmic Ecstasy—Change Your Attitudes Toward Yourself, Your Mate, and Sex
to Heal Your Sexless Marriage: A Biblical version of Dr. Marie N. Robinson's public-domain book The Power of Sexual Surrender for Christians.
Exercise Naked to Transform Your Sexless Marriage—Embarrass the Alligator to Heal Your Soul and Dead Bedroom: Contains Biblical action steps to overcome inhibitions. Includes divorce in sexless marriages.
Leave Your Parents to Become Passionate Lovers—Grow Up to Become the Parent You Wish You Had: Failure to leave the parents and cleave to the mate is the #1 cause of inhibited sexless marriages.
The above is the suggested order for reading the books in this series. But they are standalones that can be read in any order for your individual needs. After Sexual Surrender, the deprived may want to read Exercise Naked while withholders may want to read Leave Your Parents to tackle the #1 issue holding them back—growing up in a dysfunctional family of origin.
Marriage: A Taste of Heaven YouTube Classes
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